


Peace or Freedom?

by castielnov4k



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Anger, Angst, First Kiss, Freedom, Grief, Heaven, Impala, Love, Season/Series 05, Team Free Will, finale, last scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 09:32:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3204401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielnov4k/pseuds/castielnov4k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean seemed overly angry at learning that Cas was returning to heaven after their year together, given that he was apparently going to leave the whole hunting life behind anyway to go to Lisa. <br/>Maybe it was because Lisa wasn't his first choice.</p><p>Set during the last Destiel scene of Season 5. (5x22- Swan Song)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Peace or Freedom?

**Author's Note:**

> "Well, you really suck at goodbyes, you know that?"

Dean tried to concentrate on the road, ignoring the internal onslaught of images that kept surfacing. Images of Sam... falling...

Dean clenched the steering wheel. The road.

He sensed the figure next to him stir slightly, pulling Dean out of his silent stupor. Perhaps the slight movement was a side effect of Castiel's brief experience as a human, because fidgeting was a human behaviour, not an angel one.

"What are you going to do now?" Dean asked dully, genuinely curious but unable to put much enthusiasm in his tone.

Cas, facing ahead, contemplated the question for a moment. "Return to heaven, I suppose."

The unexpected blow prompted an unpleasant sensation to sweep through Dean's body, his stomach seemingly twisting itself into a new shape and leaving him feeling nauseated.

"Heaven?" Dean repeated disbelievingly, redirecting his gaze to the newly recharged angel.

"With Michael in the cage, I'm sure it's total anarchy up there," Cas explained stoically.

"So what," Dean gibed, looking away. "You're the new sheriff in town?"

When he turned back to Cas, the angel was looking at him with amusement in his eyes. The sight made Dean's heart skip a little, both due to the rareness of the occurrence and for reasons Dean wasn't quite sure of yet.

"I like that, yeah," Cas agreed, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth as he looked forward again. "I suppose I am."

"Wow," Dean replied coolly, taking his eyes off Cas and back onto the road, where his stare nearly bored holes into the flat asphalt. Cas looked at him, confused at the bitterness in his tone. "God gives you a brand-new, shiny set of wings, and suddenly you're his bitch again."

"I don't know what God wants," Castiel disputed, a little indignant. "I don't know if he'll even return. It just... seems like the right thing to do." Cas winced as he tried to put it into words.

"Well, if you do see him, you tell him I'm coming for him next," Dean resounded strongly, no hesitation in his words.

Cas looked at him again, frowning. Dean stared back at him, as if daring him to challenge him on it.

"You're angry," Cas stated. It was an observation, not a question. It was irritating sometimes how the angel could so easily look past all Dean's crap and find the truth, using that matter-of-fact tone that effortlessly refuted any question of it.

"That's an understatement," Dean answered simply, not bothering to deny it. His voice was soft and dangerous.

"He helped," Cas appealed, his blue eyes imploring. Dean scoffed. "Maybe even more than we realise."

"That's easy for you to say," Dean blurted angrily, the volume of his voice rising considerably. "He brought you back. But what about Sam? What about me, huh? Where's my grand prize? All I got is my brother in a hole! And now you -"

Dean broke off abruptly before finishing the sentence. Cas tilted his head, but Dean didn't elaborate, so he moved on.

"You got what you asked for, Dean," Cas reminded him, as if he was chiding an ungrateful child. "No paradise. No hell. Just more of the same. I mean it, Dean. What would you rather have? Peace or freedom?"

Dean sat back in his seat, caught off guard by Cas's reasoning. The angel now looked as though he might ghost out suddenly - sucking at goodbyes, as usual - so Dean quickly pulled Baby over to deter him.

"So what, they're my only options?" Dean rushed, hastily clamouring for words. "What if I wanted something else? Something more?"

"Like what?" Cas pushed, bewildered.

"I don't know!" Dean replied, agitatedly running his hand through his hair. "Peace - I know that's what Sam wants me to go after now. Find Lisa, settle down, live some apple-pie life. But if there's one thing my life isn't, it's peaceful, and I have no reason to believe that that's going to change now. Freedom - fat load of good that's proved to be. What's the point of having freedom if you're alone? I can't carry on with the life I had, hunting, now, not without Sam. Not on my own."

Dean's elbow fell onto the section of car door under the window, leaning his face against the hand that had been running through his hair. Cas couldn't help but be transfixed by the ruffled, on-end hair that was slowly falling back into place.

"So there's only one option left that I can see," Dean concluded quietly. "To go after the God who's cruel enough to stand back long enough for my brother jump into that cage, but intervened in time bring you back, just so that you could leave me as well - I just - if he's cruel enough to subject me to that level of torture, then I figure I might as well go out trying to take him down with me."

Cas was silent for a long time, before he slowly took hold of Dean's hand and pulled it down from his face. Dean looked at him, his eyes set and resigned.

"My leaving - y-you would consider that torture?" Cas asked, a smile pulling at his lips again, his voice shaking a little. Dean had never heard the angel's voice falter like that before.

"Yeah, and that son of a bitch knew it, too," Dean said softly. "He knew that he could use it, as a final twist of the knife. He's an uncaring, sadistic, deadbeat piece of -"

Dean was interrupted by the pressure of lips against his, fast and urgent. He stiffened at the contact, a surprised noise sounding from the back of his throat. Cas started to pull back, concerned, but Dean didn't let him get very far, grabbing his neck and crushing their lips together again, furiously smiling into it. The angel braced himself by his hands on Dean's chest, before leaning into their movements. Cas was inexperienced, but his eagerness more than made up for it. Cas gasped, and Dean took the opportunity to dart his tongue into Cas's mouth, moaning when Cas pushed his own tongue up against his. Groans were slipping out of their mouths, exhilarated, the feelings that had been mounting for months finally able to be expressed.

Dean finally pulled back, Cas trying to follow his mouth with a protesting whine. Dean chuckled breathlessly at it and Cas flushed a little.

"I don't want peace," Dean blurted, the taste of Cas still lingering on his lips. "Because while you're in my life, it won't be peaceful. Angels, especially angels who rebel against heaven, complicate the hell out of life. But I don't care. If this past year, being with you, has taught me anything, it's that peace can go screw itself. Sam thought that's what I wanted, to be peaceful with Lisa. And maybe I thought I did too. When I thought of myself as happy, I thought of myself with Lisa, and the kid. But I didn't realise that peace is different from happiness. That life is peace, but this life, with you, is my happiness. And as for freedom - I sure as hell don't want to experience it alone." Dean took Cas's hand, a smile working its away across his mouth. "So what do you say, angel?"

"I say hell yes," Cas agreed vehemently, his eyes sparkling. "Now let's go find a way to rescue your brother. We can't have freedom until all of Team Free Will is free."


End file.
